Crushes and Body Image...

I've been thinking alot about body image lately. After my post with my skinny prom self... and my pal Brigid posted a comment about how my thoughts of inadequacy then are common among teen girls. She is a very wise woman, and I know my 15-year old is having a hard time with the same issues I had back in the day.

The same subject came up while I was watching the View today. Sidenote: I rarely watch the View mainly because I can't stand Barbara Walters and also want to punch Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

I watched because Martha Stewart and her dogs were on the show. I love Martha's dogs, who wouldn't:


They're adorable. So I watched for Martha and stuck around for one of my fave Mad Men actors, Christina Hendricks.

If you're not familiar with her, here she is:



Hot right?

The topic of her role in helping change the body image of sexy women came up... and she has said some delightful things in the past about being healthy and loving her curves... despite being told by agents to lose weight. It's really sad that so many girls and women can't take the same attitude about their bodies... it's also sad there aren't more women on TV and movies to help perpetuate that image.

I could ramble on and on about it... but instead I'm going to leave you with another picture of my girl crush, Ms. Hendricks. Yes, most girls have girl crushes... and we kind of assume all boys have boy crushes. It's okay, it's not weird and doesn't challenge your sexuality. In fact, it will probably make us love you more.

Back To The Future...

My 10-year high school reunion is coming up, so I've been digging out pictures from back in the day.

I was showing Mems some I'd picked to put in the reunion slide show, as she flipped through she exclaimed "Look how skinny you used to be!"

In her defense she then commented on how skinny she also used to be.... here is the picture in question.



I was a little obsessed with Audrey Hepburn back then, hell let's be honest I still am, so I was feeling very "Breakfast at Tiffan's" for the prom.

Mems proclamation reminded me that at the time that picture was taken I felt very fat. My entire senior year of high school was spent working out and dieting to be what I thought would be perfect weight for prom.

By the time prom rolled around I was living on whole wheat toast, diet coke and diet pills to fit into it. I was 17 and convinced being thin would make me happy.

So I did anything I could to be skinny, I didn't pay attention to health risks or dangers I was putting myself into... just to the numbers on the scale.

Thinking back on this got me thinking, that yes I am at an unhealthy weight now but for the most part I eat a hell of a lot healthier than I did at my thinnest.

Lots of things played into my post-high school weight gain, the freshman 15, death of my Pops and some serious depression.

I'm almost certain my eating habits back then played a large part into putting on the weight and probably fucked with my metabolism... but I'm most struck by looking back at the fact that I was a skinny teen... and felt like a fat cow most of the time.

My food issues obviously have a long and storied history... and I'm slowly but surely chipping away at them and trying to get back to the happy and hopefully thinner me underneath.