P90X-- Not for Boobs

Today I took on the 2nd disc of P90x-Plyometrics.

Yes I skipped a day on the program, instead of working out as soon as I got off work I went out with a great gal for a yummy margarita and some bruschetta. Sue me.

Instead I suited up in my sports bra and workout gear tonight after work and hit the guest room tonight.

The Ken doll started droning as soon as I hit play about how plyometrics will make you the greatest athlete of all time... so the Williams sisters better look out for me.

Then the workouts start and I can tell I'm in trouble from the beginning. The first move is a squat jump. Basically you squat and then when you rise up you jump at the top.

My fat ass physique comes with some boobs... boobs that don't enjoy jumping up and down.

Even with my sturdiest sports bra the bouncing was painful. So I modified the moves as best I could and did some of them holding my boobs with my hands to minimize the bouncing.

I was halfway through the workout when I noticed my audience... Molly and Bella sitting in the floor staring at me with their heads cocked to the side, probably thinking their mother is crazy.

But despite the boobie bounce I stayed with the workout, which is good cause there were some classic bon mots from the Ken doll host. My fave was saying one of the work outs would make us fly through the air like Spiderman or Cat-Man... not sure who the hell Cat Man is... but I'm pretty sure I want someone to be that for Halloween.

So boobs in hand I made it through... and collapsed in the floor in a sweaty heap.

Whether or not the workout is boob friendly... it did make me sweat like a motherfucker.

P90X & Ken Dolls

So I just got done doing the first day of P90x. I am alive and breathing, but I'm also exhausted and sweaty.

Which also makes me ripe with snark.

I fully admit that this was a great workout. The first day is chest, back and abs. My main workouts consist of cardio and pilates with some weights once in a while, so my chest and back needed it.

And honestly I needed the smarmy host... because wow... he is just ripe for mocking. I don't even know where to start. First he looked like a Ken Doll on steroids compete with hair that didn't move at all. And now that I think of it I can't remember his actual name... so we'll stick with Ken.

When Ken opened his mouth... you either got encouragement or the macho competition he had going on with his cohorts. Only the male cohorts that is.. the lone girl doing the workout with him he would ask for her goal totals and either make a joke or just be like "Yeah, she's a tough one!"

Now I know there's not a chance in hell I could do as many pull ups as my male counterparts... but really you need to patronize me about it?

I also fully appreciated his direction of the camera men... "Bruce zoom in on the arm circles... Shoot this sideways to show my perfect form." I imagine Bruce graduated from NYU with hopes of being the next Woody Allen... now he's taking orders from a talking Ken doll.

Okay... but besides the host the workout was pretty great. I didn't have a pull up bar so I used a heavy band and 10 pound dumb bells for it. But Ken did do well showing proper form and modifications for beginners. I could feel my back muscles working the whole hour and even surprised myself with how many push ups I could do, by the end of the hour I was sweaty and sore but felt accomplished.

Then I popped in the second part of the work out... Ab Ripper X. I think it's called that cause it will give you ripped abs... but after the 15 minute workout I feel like it's in honor of Jack the Ripper.

Abs are not my strong suit... I have a doughy gross gut (hence the reason I started this blog) and while it is getting smaller it is not getting stronger. This DVD just re-iterated that point while making my abs want to cry from their tiny tear ducts.

But I did it (with a few breaks) and I do feel better, more sore than I started.

I suppose the real test will be tomorrow when I see just how much I wince trying to breathe.