Fun Quotes from My House

It probably does not surprise you to know that some seriously bizarre shit that gets uttered in my cozy abode.  Seriously my house is delightful.  It's the perfect mix of Mems and Kate and is THE house to be an awesome chica in at all times. 

My parties are legendary.  (Cue the Barney Stinson) But we all know Mems is much more legendary... and so is her mouth.

Here's a few of my fave utterances... including a few from my mother for good measure.

"Your hair looks really good... well you need to get your roots done." -literally said as I left the house for a party.

"I knew you'd put on those ugly shoes." -leaving for the same party

"So I think E stands for Enormous" -my kid sister in regards to my trip to The Bust Stop

"Well, you look more professional than your mom in her pajamas" -as I left for work Monday morning.

"Your butt looks good in those jeans." -as I got home from work tonight

"Make me an ice cream cone." -every night after dinner.

"You should wear your glasses more.  They make you look smart." -randomly while I wore my glasses around the house.

"Do you have a date?" -My Mother as I left the house for work.  I was in jeans and a sweater, not a slutty date appopriate dress.

"You should wear a turtleneck." -Mems as I got ready for work Weds. morning.  I don't own a turtleneck

"Do you want a fur coat for Christmas? I don't mean this the way it sounds, but you'll need to lose weight to wear one." -Mems talking about gift options.

"Give me your old bras.  Your boobs are too big." -My mother after my trip to the Bust Stop.

"I need you to give me some shoes too." -My mother who thinks my closet is a store to shop in

"I threw some food to the chicken then I was feeding the dog and the chicken is fat so it came after the food and I had to chase it around the yard." -my sister, who lives in town, describing her morning of feeding the dog and the chicken.  Incidentally the chicken is named after one of my aunts and my sister fed it chicken for dinner the other day.

"Stop being lesbians!" -me to the dogs who know like to straddle each other indelicately.

These are just a sample of our conversations... and in reality I've gleamed the most humorous ones from the bunch.  Mems does also say nice things to me quite regularly.

Although I read this blog to her and she said it will be a cold day in hell before she says anything else nice to me.   So there's that.

A Different Kind Of Post

Dear readers, this will not be a post about my fitness or lack thereof, but a post about something near and dear to my heart.

You see today is the birthday of the woman who made me the sarcastic, spoiled know-it all I am today: my Mems.

I often get asked "Who is Mems?" The short answer is she's my grandmother who became my mother.

She's Ouiser, Miss Clairee and Julia Sugarbaker rolled in to one. She's outspoken, strong willed, always right, always there and the person I want to be when I grow up.

She's my best friend, soundingboard, comic relief and savior. If it wasn't for Mems I wouldn't be me.

I thank God everyday my life ended up in her capable hands... those hands have shaped me to be a loud mouth, educated, happy go lucky woman. She inspires me to speak my mind, constantly question the status quo and do everything I can to make the world better for someone less fortunate.

She's got a big mouth and a bigger heart... and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have a Mems in their lives.



Happy Birthday Mems!