So sad...

I'm so dissappointed in all of you.

None of you bought me this for christmas:

http://www.zazzle.com/fat_ass_t_shirts_womens-235537775168883355

Fun Quotes from My House

It probably does not surprise you to know that some seriously bizarre shit that gets uttered in my cozy abode.  Seriously my house is delightful.  It's the perfect mix of Mems and Kate and is THE house to be an awesome chica in at all times. 

My parties are legendary.  (Cue the Barney Stinson) But we all know Mems is much more legendary... and so is her mouth.

Here's a few of my fave utterances... including a few from my mother for good measure.

"Your hair looks really good... well you need to get your roots done." -literally said as I left the house for a party.

"I knew you'd put on those ugly shoes." -leaving for the same party

"So I think E stands for Enormous" -my kid sister in regards to my trip to The Bust Stop

"Well, you look more professional than your mom in her pajamas" -as I left for work Monday morning.

"Your butt looks good in those jeans." -as I got home from work tonight

"Make me an ice cream cone." -every night after dinner.

"You should wear your glasses more.  They make you look smart." -randomly while I wore my glasses around the house.

"Do you have a date?" -My Mother as I left the house for work.  I was in jeans and a sweater, not a slutty date appopriate dress.

"You should wear a turtleneck." -Mems as I got ready for work Weds. morning.  I don't own a turtleneck

"Do you want a fur coat for Christmas? I don't mean this the way it sounds, but you'll need to lose weight to wear one." -Mems talking about gift options.

"Give me your old bras.  Your boobs are too big." -My mother after my trip to the Bust Stop.

"I need you to give me some shoes too." -My mother who thinks my closet is a store to shop in

"I threw some food to the chicken then I was feeding the dog and the chicken is fat so it came after the food and I had to chase it around the yard." -my sister, who lives in town, describing her morning of feeding the dog and the chicken.  Incidentally the chicken is named after one of my aunts and my sister fed it chicken for dinner the other day.

"Stop being lesbians!" -me to the dogs who know like to straddle each other indelicately.

These are just a sample of our conversations... and in reality I've gleamed the most humorous ones from the bunch.  Mems does also say nice things to me quite regularly.

Although I read this blog to her and she said it will be a cold day in hell before she says anything else nice to me.   So there's that.

Unsolved Mysteries

So if you know me you know I have a picture in my house that's haunted. 

Specifically this one:

Isn't she pretty?  It's from when she was 18.  I think she looks like Molly Ringwald, she got mad when I said that cause she doesn't think Molly is pretty.  Whatevs.

So the picture sits on my dresser and faces the front.  But when I wake up in the morning it will be turned to the left. Every. Day.  Without fail.

I long ago decided it was my Pops.  You see the room that's now my bedroom was his bedroom and also the room he died in 10 years ago.  So, I think he comes and visits Mems' picture and watches over me.

That's the only reason I'm not freaking the fuck out about my room being haunted. 

So tonight my BFF Adam needed a haunted house to investigate for a Halloween story, I said yes... here's the results:
Tulsa Ghosthunters
Happy Halloween!

Doh!

My fellow producer Lydia brought this story to my attention:

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) _ Score one for the love handles.
Samantha Lynn Frazier says her love handles saved her life. The
Florida woman was shot in the left side while walking into an
Atlantic City bar. The Press of Atlantic City reports the
35-year-old says she heard two pops and felt pain. Police report
the gunman was aiming for someone else. Frazier says she's been
wanting to lose weight. But not anymore. She says she can be as big
as she wants, if it's going to stop a bullet.

I've been going about this all wrong.