Stuck

A couple of weeks ago I took a break from all the tracking and the measuring and working out to give my tired psyche a rest.

It was much needed, but it was only supposed to last a week.  Now, almost a month later I'm back to working out, but not back to eating right.  Every day I make a pledge to start and then I'm tempted by something I shouldn't have and stay in my rut.  It's pathetic.

So I'm resolving (again) to get back on track.

I don't regret the break. I did need it.  It did help me settle some stuff in my head.  The obsession with the scale that was getting ridiculous.  The tendency to workout twice a day to speed up weight loss.  I was going at a rate that was going to end badly.

I wrote the other day that I'd been in my head a lot lately, I think the break and the recent weight loss both played into that, I'd been dwelling on my motivations, my reasoning, my self esteem.

I was going through the emotions in my head, trying to figure out why I hated my body so, or if my new obsession with the scale was just exacerbating the hatred.  I had to stop and contemplate to make myself not hate parts of me.

That's not to say that laying on my ass and eating all the cheese I wanted made me love myself, I still had (have) guilt when I'm not eating like I know I should be eating or when I skip the gym to stay home and sleep early.

But, I feel like my head is clearer.  My self-hate of late is ebbing.  Now to get back on the weight loss track, without going back into CrazyKate mode.