Hello dears... I'm still bouncing back from vacation, by that I mean making my brain learn to function at normal hours again. I have many posts in my head, but no creativity to make them happen.
But... I have something better. A very special post by one of my fave sarcastic fellow newsies, Miss Emily Sinovic. Enjoy dear hearts.
A friend of mine who hates to run unless he is running out of a burning house or toward an open bar… once asked another running buddy of mine, "What the hell are you running from?"
She replied, "My ass."
Running burns a shit ton of calories. I don't know the exact math behind it, but I will tell you after some runs during the Oklahoma summer, I was sweating so much, I was wringing out my clothes after the first mile and looking/smelling just about a sexy as that sounds. (sidetone: You know those gentlemen who like to hoot and holler and honk driving by runners in hopes of snagging a woman to do his laundry and dodge his chew spitting for the rest of time?… you know those guys? Last week I was so miserably hot and drenched and gross that I replied to one of the honks with a "Oh yeah?! Come smell me!" )
Did I mention many runners are crazy?
Back to the calorie burning.
It's great. There is no better feeling than going for a long run, sweating out that alcohol or pint of ice cream the night before when it sounded like a great idea to just eat your feelings. Those long runs always feel like a clean slate at the end. BUT BUT BUT (I hope you're still reading and didn't get all, "oh is this the guest blog where she just brags about how great she is for being all superstar runner?" no. keep reading.) the more I've run, the longer the distances, the more daily my runs have become, the less those runs are magic bullets for all the not so wonderful things I throw down my gullet. (and by "not so wonderful things" I mean alcohol and massive amounts of sugar. I can throw back a pan of brownies like it's a magic trick). (Kate note- This is true, I've seen it happen.)
But, I've found some of the best runners, the happiest runners are folks who don't run to lose weight or run to burn calories because you don't burn as many calories after your body becomes efficient at it.
That friend of mine who's runnin' from the junk in her trunk… she runs marathons, considers a 12-miler an easy day and, I suspect, has undergone a lobotomy at some point that affects her general life decision-making.
But that friend has actually gained about a dozen pounds during all of her training. She looks healthy, athletic, and strong but like most women you know, gaining 12 pounds is just about as fun as a root canal followed by shopping for swim suits with Heidi Klum … Not fun.
Bottom line, running makes you HUNGRY. And, it takes a helluva lot longer to run long enough to burn off 1300 calories than it does to eat that pint of ben and jerry's (I can eat a pint in about 15 minutes if you timed me, without a brain freeze, thank you very much).
So why do I run if I can't out run my ass? A lot of it is for that "clean slate" feeling you do get at the end which is an incredible way to start your day. A lot of it is about that feeling of accomplishment, improvement, setting and reaching a mileage or time goal.
It depends on the day really. Some days I too think I can run from my ass. And most days, to quote a bandana a friend of mine wears during every run, "I run so I can drink" (apple juice of course).