Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Tight Buns and Black Roots

My mind wanders while I'm at the gym. And honestly almost all the time.

This morning I had just started a pre-programmed workout and my glutes and quads were on fire, I imagined every step was one closer to a coveted tight ass.

So I ignored the pain and stared at the row of TV screens ahead of me. I'm not listening to any program... instead wearing an ipod. The screens are standard gym fair. Two TVs are on various local TV morning news (neither the station I work for) One is on ESPN and one is on the in house psuedo MTV with some seriously lame videos.

I'm closest to the TV showing Good Morning America and I glance up to see a shot of Oprah and some blonde woman with seriously bad roots. Like an inch of blackness. So I'm huffing and puffing my ass off staring intently at this TV trying to figure out who the hell is deluded enough to go on Oprah without making any attempt to cover her roots. Finally, a super pops up "Rielle Hunter Sits Down With Oprah"... realization dawns on me and I roll my eyes.

First at Hunter for being one of the most self-deluded people on the planet... then at Oprah for giving her a stage to speak on.. I mean really does she have anything of substance to say?

GMA loses my interest and I still have 20 minutes of sweating to do. Turning my head slightly I'm watching the Today show... and they're talking all about Sandra Bullock's divorce and new baby. Now while I was just as pissed as the rest of America when Jesse James fucked over America's sweetheart... I'm not sure I need an entire segment about her divorce and adoption. It was 7 in the morning... I was looking for actual news.

Turn my head again and stare at the music videos... this is not the cream of the video crop. Some old Kylie Minogue videos... and the same Pussycat Doll video. I suppose looking at the hot bodies of these artists is supposed to inspire people to work out harder... it would just make me want to leave the gym fast to listen to them ad nauseum.

As I'm sitting there contemplating what vault they pulled these videos out of when the ellpitical beeps... and my workout is over.

THe gym is the one time my inane commentary in my head is beneficial. Before you ask... yes shit like this is constantly going through my head.

I probably need to be medicated.

7 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, "Lose Weight Fast" commenter, go fuck yourself.

    Kate, hilarious as always. And I hear that people who have serious problems with wandering minds are the best in bed. Congratulations.

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I used to go to the gym, oh so long ago, these are exactly the type of things that would go through my head. Ahhhh, if only we could blog while on the treadmill. Think of the great posts we would have!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Drink lots of water. At restaurants, instead of asking for a multitude of drinks, stick with plain water. You'll be surprised at how much money is shed off your dining bills. Not to mention, the more water you drink at mealtime, the less food you'll eat as your stomach will have less room. Avoid sodas, even diet soda, which is loaded with aspartame. There are water calculators online that give you a rough idea of how much water you should drink daily for your size. When it comes to drinks, I stick with water and natural/low-cal fruit juices.

    ReplyDelete
  5. When possible, write down the number of calories in each thing you eat as you eat it. Keep in mind that the recommended serving size is often considerably smaller than the serving you actually eat. Look up the calorie count on the internet for foods that don't have calories listed on the container or for fast food meals. You don't have to be 100% accurate, but you do want a good estimate of the number of calories you're taking in. There is an idea that multiplying your own weight by ten will produce a rough estimate of the number of calories you need to eat per day to maintain your weight. This is NOT true, you may wind up grossly under (or perhaps over) estimating the number of calories you should be eating. Use a scientific or health website to determine the number of calories you should eat a day or consult your doctor. Everyone has different metabolisms and there is no blanket rule that covers everyone's recommended calorie intake. Reducing 500 calories per day from the calories you eat to maintain your weight can help you lose a pound of fat per week.[2]

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are gathered here today to remember the life of Sean Allen Anderson. He was born to Beverly Anderson October 23rd, 1971 in Stillwater Oklahoma. He was a big baby, weighing in at nearly 10 pounds. Perhaps a person’s birth weight isn't something you would normally include in their eulogy---but unfortunately, Sean's weight was an issue that plagued him his entire life---right up until the time of his death. Sean always told me that someday he would lose the weight---someday he would some how get it together---and really do it. He would get healthy and...well, (beat) I could go on and on about how he would talk about it, getting thin...Oh yeah---he really wanted it bad---but his actions proved otherwise....I guess Sean was a dreamer. And a dream without action is forever a dream...Sean knew that someday his dream could become a nightmare---if he failed to change his ways. I guess this was Sean's ultimate nightmare. And here we are...If only Sean could've grabbed control---and really made the good choices in time---maybe we wouldn't be here today...If only Sean would have had one more chance...To make the changes...The actor will then be cut off by the second half of the slide show, featuring upbeat music and a progression of “in-progress” pictures, followed by me bursting into the auditorium on my bicycle and riding to the stage. I’ll be wearing my size 64 pants—held up by suspenders, and on my arrival on stage, I’ll take ‘em off revealing my “skinny jeans” underneath. Chris will break character and introduce me as I approach the podium. The theme of my talk is “Choose Change Before Change Chooses You,” and this dramatic opening certainly drives that point home.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pure AcaiBerry is unlike any other Acai Berry product on the market, offering 1500mg of high grade Acai Berry per serving, making it the highest yield Acai Berry product on the market today.

    ReplyDelete