I was showing Mems some I'd picked to put in the reunion slide show, as she flipped through she exclaimed "Look how skinny you used to be!"
In her defense she then commented on how skinny she also used to be.... here is the picture in question.
I was a little obsessed with Audrey Hepburn back then, hell let's be honest I still am, so I was feeling very "Breakfast at Tiffan's" for the prom.
Mems proclamation reminded me that at the time that picture was taken I felt very fat. My entire senior year of high school was spent working out and dieting to be what I thought would be perfect weight for prom.
By the time prom rolled around I was living on whole wheat toast, diet coke and diet pills to fit into it. I was 17 and convinced being thin would make me happy.
So I did anything I could to be skinny, I didn't pay attention to health risks or dangers I was putting myself into... just to the numbers on the scale.
Thinking back on this got me thinking, that yes I am at an unhealthy weight now but for the most part I eat a hell of a lot healthier than I did at my thinnest.
Lots of things played into my post-high school weight gain, the freshman 15, death of my Pops and some serious depression.
I'm almost certain my eating habits back then played a large part into putting on the weight and probably fucked with my metabolism... but I'm most struck by looking back at the fact that I was a skinny teen... and felt like a fat cow most of the time.
My food issues obviously have a long and storied history... and I'm slowly but surely chipping away at them and trying to get back to the happy and hopefully thinner me underneath.
You were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now. I remember thinking I was fat back in high school, too. It's awful how common that is among teenage girls.
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