The other night a very wise person told me I don't think I'm as cute as I am. My immediate response was "No I'm not cute I have a gut."
Oh, how I love the self-deprecating reference to my gut... but it is having a negative impact on my attitude. I noticed it when I was packing for vacation a few weeks ago. I took only clothes that were loose or blousy... so I had no shape-neither thin nor fat.
I've become addicted to clothes that hide my fat, not necessarily fashionably. I'm nine times more likely to through on an oversized sweater or t-shirt over jeans and flip flops than worry about my fat showing in any of my cuter clothes.
In turn... my attitude has changed. I'm quiet and inoffensive (I know it's hard to believe, but unless I'm with people I know I'm a bump on a log to quote Mems). I never think I'm getting hitting on, I never try to get hit on. I want to blend into a wall and just share my quiet sarcastic comments with the people around me.
Which is not cool, it's not healthy and it's not me. Since I was born I've been the loudmouth blonde who said anything I felt like and did whatever popped into my head. Now I just tweet or blog those thoughts.
I stopped wearing my quirky outfits and resorted to an oversized uniform, taking the joy ouf of shopping, getting dressed... putting any effort into my wardrobe.
Somewhere along gaining the 30 or so pounds I need to lose I buried the essential Kate. A drunken conversation with a BFF reminded me of that... so let it be a wake up call.
Yes, I'm overweight and not particularly happy about it. But I'm working on it, and I'm still cute, blonde with a great rack (seriously, it's my best feature) and a fun biting wit. It's about damn time I start acting like it.