Saturday, May 12, 2012

Uncomfortable layers

I'm almost positive I'm having an emotional breakdown.

For the last week or so I've felt on the verge of tears or a breakdown, from boys breaking my heart to insecurities over my body to family stress.

After my most recent psuedo-breakdown I started thinking.

Are these emotions coming up as the weight comes off for a reason?  It's obvious that part of my weight issues stem from emotional eating, putting on weight to get away from dealing with issues bothering me.

Just like I became cynical and bitchy to keep people at arm's distance, I put on weight instead of working through emotions.  So will every five pounds I lose bring up the issues that put it there?

The next time the scale goes down will I work through my last break up?  Or guilt over Pops' death?  Can I handle that?  I hate crying.  I'm not a cute crier.

In my quest to lose this weight I never thought about anything other than the aesthetic implications of it.  I never considered I'd be forced to actually deal with all my issues, I just wanted to look cute. 

I guess I'll get well adjusted on my road to hitting goal.  I better stock up on Kleenex.


  1. I realized recently that food blogging was a way for me to hold onto the disordered eating of my past in a way that made me seem normal and healthy. That's why I stopped updating. It's hard for us gals to let go of all that stuff. Admitting it is at least half the battle, so good for you.

    1. Not long after I posted this I realized I was getting way too obsessive about my meals and exercise again... so I made myself take a week off working out and 10 days off WW. It was really needed and helped me feel more comfortable with myself (there's a post to come) but it is weird how those things can keep manifesting when we think we've gotten past them.

  2. Hey Katie! I'm Matt Gallagher's wife--he told me about your blog this weekend and I've literally just spent an hour going through your old posts. Not to be weird or Just wanted to let you know that your journey has inspired me to keep going after hitting my first "omg, I want to quit doing this NOW" weekend. ;o)

    1. Hi! I'm so glad it helped! Just writing these posts have helped keep me going or get back on track after I go off the rails.

      Good luck!