Saturday, May 18, 2013

Being better

I could be better at a lot of things.

Better at being a friend. I get too wrapped up in myself and my to do list at times to really focus on cultivating relationships.

Sometimes I feel like I've created a world of superficial relationships around me.  Tied in part to the things I wrote about in March, when I admitted to not knowing what I was doing. I still feel that way, but different.

My loud, abrasive nature and self-protective reluctance to let anyone really know 'me' is making me feel like a 30 year old island in east Tulsa.

I'm so set on my stock answers, my sarcastic puns and my iron gates around myself that I when I have a random idea to go do something I sit and can't think of a single person who will meet me for an unplanned adventure.

I'll go days or weeks without talking to some of my closest friends, aside from superficial social media, or an occasional text.  There's no substance.

Blame this on my obsession with Gatsby and the new movie.  I've been re-looking at everything in my life.  Comparing substance and superficiality.

I'll be 31 soon and it's time for me to ditch the pleasantries, the 'Fine' and "same old, same old' and start letting people in, start re-building fractured friendships and meeting new people.

My only close friend can't be Mems forever and I can't take the dogs to most bars or museums.


  1. I am so guilty of this. I was just thinking about all of those episodes of Friends where they would have a party and there would be all these strangers in the background that we never see. And I am one of those strangers. Plenty of buddies, but not enough friends. I need more Phoebes and Monicas and fewer Fun Bobbys.

    1. Exactly! I have a lot of party buddies, but not a lot of one on one buddies.