Gwynnie Is Stealing My Life

I've told you all about my strange love/hate relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow, here's the blog.

Well now I think Gwynnie is stealing my life.  Or rather becoming the taller, thinner, blonder version of me.

Let's look at the facts-
She sang with the Muppets.  And she sang a song about my favorite word ever: Fuck. 
No one loves the muppets more than me.  My first Halloween costume was Miss Piggy.  I've seen every episode of Muppet Babies a million times and I own all the Muppet movies.  Yet, I've never been asked to sing with them.

She stole my karaoke song.  For years I've been pledging to sing "Islands in the Stream" as my go to song for years.  There would be no better Kenny Rogers than me.  (Fooled you didn't I?  You thought I'd be Dolly. Ha!)

Now she's doing "Landslide" on Glee.  By Stevie Nicks.  My Stevie Nicks.  When I was in high school my BFF and I decided Stevie was our rock and roll mother (in case you're curious Tom Petty is my rock and roll father.) I've seen Fleetwood live twice and basically worship at the feet of Stevie Nicks.

Can you believe her? First she dates my celeb boyfriend Ben Affleck and now this crap.

Maybe she's not stealing my life... we're just so similar.  It's why we're BFFs.

So now that I'm vegan I figure I just need to throw in a fake accent to become Tulsa's version of Gwynnie... well that and grow 8 inches.